Learning Occurs IN Me

Old belief patterns concerning God were triggered recently when Mike took a radical action of faith. The internal realm was his guide and he dismissed external circumstances that suggested he not do that which his gut told him he must. My insides leaped as he shared his intent. I was delighted and apprehensive – my heart was at rest while the flesh trembled. I trusted the source of his decision, which allowed me to quickly applaud his courage. We’ve known for a while that resigning his position at the college was a part of our dream…but the timing of the spirit can feel audacious!

Mike did it…he took the leap, and a few days later my panic hit! Little what-ifs with dismal paint brushes systematically sketched pictures of doom. Where was my original trust and abandon? Fear began a litany by suggesting that God used peace to trick us into taking a particular action just to teach us a few more hard lessons. Trepidation offered the small consolation that we’d make it through and character would be built…and in the end we’d be grateful for the demanding experience. This interpretation has appeased me through many rough seasons…but now it seemed misguided.

Confusion and dread were present. I had a decision to make. Would I believe that God was engineering our demise just to build character? Or would I trust His benevolence to prosper the dream He’d planted in us? Must every lesson come through pain and heartache? Or could I abandon a false need for suffering? Circumstance always aids comprehension and what looks like conflict, confusion, or an onslaught of doubt, is often a catalyst for increased faith.

I recognized the ego trying to attach itself to the education process as it deliberated which lessons I still needed to learn or repeat. Ego wants the glory that only an abiding life can produce. God doesn’t need me to figure out the lesson He’s teaching so the ego (with its misguided notion of a separate identity) can jump on board and help Him along. It’s false to think I must know ahead of time what the next lesson is going to be.

True lessons come through the spontaneous life of Christ. He isn’t trying to teach (in a separated sense) or needing cooperation or collaboration to ensure success. He teaches by being Himself in, through, and as me. Learning occurs in me, not to me. It’s the effect of union with Christ; a natural by-product of the new heart. It is a component of who I am; I have no need to be taught…and yet, I will learn.

There’s a paradox at play. When I say, “I can learn,” the role of teacher, lesson, and student are integrated as one. But the idea that there’s still a “lesson I need to be taught” separates me from the teacher and from the lesson I need to learn. The words suggest division, incompletion, and the necessity of an outside source. In reality, I don’t learn externally – which doesn’t mean that outside sources don’t ignite internal lessons…they do. But the outside source is not my “teacher” because it has no power to cause me to learn. Learning is a response, an ability that is gifted in and through union with Christ.

There’s not a hard lesson waiting to be taught, only a life of learning to be spontaneously lived…in peace and joy and the absence of fear…