An Old Pattern
Have you ever tried to “read people” to find the meaning behind their actions? I noticed this old pattern in myself and realized I’d been prone to it for a long time! Children try on new friendships like shoes, looking for the ones that fit. I lost childhood friendships to what seemed like upgrades. Kids (not usually in touch with their motives) don’t often say why they’re “moving on,” they just treat the old friend differently. As this happened to me, I could feel the shift in their affection and when I misinterpreted the cue to “bug off,” their indifference turned to cruelty. I had to figure out the “end” of the friendship by examining subtleties and inferences.
The pattern carried into adulthood and I wasted a lot of energy looking for signs of the impending end of relationships. The tendency to “read people” entwined me and experience strengthened the cords. I took the approach of “taking the hint” that I was no longer wanted. If I didn’t feel preferred, I felt replaced…and believed it was up to me to figure it out by reading the signs.
Truth be told, I expected the same behavior from God. I expected to be led indirectly – He’d drop a few hints, and expect me to figure it out from there. If I missed the mark, I’d have to live with the consequence of my misstep. Translation: little movement for fear of choosing wrong. My view was skewed. Of course, God is not cryptic; He says what He means. Parables are pictures, not puzzles.
Shifting my focus onto God’s ability to lead, rather than my perceived need to interpret was my way of escape. Along the way, I learned that direct communication is important to me. I am frustrated and disheartened when indirect approaches are taken. I can handle the truth. Please don’t lie to me or coddle me. The truth doesn’t hurt nearly as much as what my mind does when left to its own analysis. My mind can splinter an interpretation in a million different directions, exhausting me in the process. Don’t be rude, unkind, or insensitive – speak the truth in love – but please, speak the truth…
Let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ… Ephesians 4:15 AMP
Oh my gosh, is this ever speaking to something within me that I didn’t know needed to be spoken to! How precious He is. How faithful He is to each and every one of us, to woo, to point out, to heal by the mere PRESENCE OF HIS SPEAKING WITHIN . . .
Here you share this enlightenment that turns on a light in my heart revealing a room I didn’t even know was there! I’m going to sit with these words in my quiet time before Him and let Him speak His love within this dark and dusty room, cluttered up with broken pieces of me.
He truly amazes me! How faithful He is to us . . . Never mind about our unfaithfulness, or inability to be consistent . . . How faithful HE is to finish what He has started! Oh, yes. Faithful is another one of His Names!
xxxooo Claudia
Hi Claudia, I’m glad what’s occurring in me helps! He shines a light and the true me comes forward while the false and needy one cowers away.
I think the mind of the flesh doesn’t want problems to be solved… it prefers the illusion of trying to complete itself apart from Christ. It LIKES having issues to address, so it avoids rooms that reveal truth.
The mind of the flesh drives my false effort to complete myself and thrives on the cycle of never being enough. It is silenced when I remember that I have need of nothing; I am already finished, complete in Christ.
With that in mind, I enter dusty rooms, not to become whole, but rather to expose the old, familiar, fractured patterns and lies that try to convince me that I’m not.
Thanks for talking to me…it keeps me aware that miles cannot separate those whom God has joined together!!!
susan
This subject also touched on a place that I am dealing with right now. I have long time practiced some of these same habits. I see now that it was always a futile attempt to preserve or protect myself from rejection. Father has once again revealed I am not alone on this journey. He is the truth in me and the truth has no need for defense or preservation. The truth stands without wavering, without judgement, and without exclusivity. Thank Christ Jesus it is in Him that I live and move and have my being.
P.S. I miss you both!
Doreen, I miss you both too! Today I am resting with Claudia’s words about His faithfulness – regardless of our faithfulness to Him. He is finishing what He started. I get so caught up in the dust-devil of thought that pushes me to “do something” to “fix something.” At this time in my life, trust is another great lesson in letting go. Thanks Claudia, for always returning my focus to HIM. HE is making every change, and tweaking everything that needs adjusting…