Conflict of Distinction
People are very different from one another. It’s less painful to believe that we accept (even appreciate) differences than it is to notice the subtle nuances of our intolerance. It’s common to draw a comparison to portray a distinctiveness in ourselves. If too critical, we may temper the comparison by insisting there’s nothing wrong with our differences, and yet the closing comment will usually rest with our gratefulness for being who we are…by comparison. Judgment hides itself well in the soft light of comparison.
Some judgments seem less poisonous than others. For instance, Mike and I were looking at the difference between how we wash the dishes. Mike likes to keep his dish water clean; he pre-rinses the dishes so they don’t dirty his water. I scrape remnants into the trash, put the dishes in the water, and ignore the little floaters that may swish by. While noticing our different styles, Mike remarked, “I’m not telling you how to wash dishes. I just do it differently. I like to wash dishes in clean water instead of dirty water.” The last line is where comparison is drawn and judgment is hidden. I exposed his little dig and we laughed as we both admitted how easily a comparison turns ugly.
A remark like that seems innocuous; but just because judgment is masked behind comparison and “acceptance talk” doesn’t make it less venomous. Truthfully, we often think our way is better. If we’re honest about how we feel another might improve their life it often translates to becoming more like us. “They have a certain weakness, I do not. If they would do what I do they wouldn’t have that weakness. They’d be better…because they’d be more like me!“ It isn’t always a conscious thought, but it is often the underlying sentiment.
While still on this subject, Mike referred to comparing ourselves with others as a “conflict of distinction.” The statement set my wheels turning! The conflict of distinction is also the rejection of uniqueness. Are we afraid to be different? Can we allow others to be different and retain their equality with us?
With uniqueness comes daring. We can liberate ourselves and others by choosing words that offer genuine applause for our differences. To do so is to respect God’s diversity. Fear tells us we won’t be liked if we’re different, we won’t fit in; we may be rejected or shunned. What if God has authored a different translation in us from those around us? Don’t worry, God is safe. We are His to orchestrate – His way, for His reasons.
The subtle insistence upon outer conformity is the enemy of true unity. We take comfort when the thinking pattern of another closely resembles our own. If we’ve deviated 20 degrees from the “norm” of Christian perspective, we accept others who’ve done the same. When we collide with those traveling 50 degrees “off the beaten path” then the difference feels extreme. Fear has the capability of keeping us close-minded and unwilling to see the gospel from a point of view that is unfamiliar – even when it has scriptural verity. We feel more comfortable with those who are most like ourselves – and it is this unnamed insistence on outer conformity that would hinder the grace-filled work of true unity and encapsulate our view of God.
I used to wonder why God tore down the Tower of Babel. Their “unity” was enabling them to build a tower to reach the heavens. Unity is good, right? Yet He confounded the languages – making communication difficult and unification next to impossible. Perhaps it was a safeguard against the flesh and its attempt to emulate the spirit.
True unity is born of the Spirit and the flesh can’t touch it. Outer conformity is “counterfeit unity” manufactured by the flesh. Judgment is the tool most used to coerce conformity. Comparison is fleshly and divisive – born of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. True appreciation of differences is spiritual and unifying – born of the Tree of Life – where all is only good.
There can be no safe comparison without clear qualifiers. I may say, “I am one way and you are another.” To qualify the statement is to ensure the understanding that I perceive the differences as being God-ordained, God-designed, God-intended, God-valued, and God-be-glorified! We only appreciate who we are when we are not depreciating anyone else. Drawing a comparison is tricky business. We must use caution, tread softly, and honor Christ by trusting that He IS the difference we see in one another!
Rest
With a hunger to find God, I found the whole of who I am. He is the principle I long to recognize, the character I long to possess, and the freedom I need to just be me. He establishes my foundation and builds the walls that fortify my city. He is my soundness of mind, my balance, my ability to partner, to parent, to originate, to cultivate, to create, to establish, and to secure. The anguish of certain actions in life have merely been consequences leading to new patterns of living. Over time I have learned that life is learned over time. Life is filled with vital lessons in acceptance and joy. He’s leading me to the high places of surrender so I can experience the depths of spiritual freedom. There is nothing for me to fear, least of all my self. I humbly concede the words He has spoken. Established in His bosom, I know myself in Him. I trust Him with my life; His word concerning me is in motion and will not return to Him void.
Claudia’s Thoughts…
Isn’t it funny that You are with all of us more than we are with each other…
…and the reason we aren’t with each other is because we don’t think You are!
Isn’t it strange that we have a tendency to flock with those who are like minded with us today…
…when the ones we reject now think like we did just yesterday when You were with us?
I can look back over my life and see that no matter what I thought of You…
…You were with me.
When I saw only parts of You and thought it was all of You…
…You were with me.
When I saw You as clearly as I could see You in that moment…
…You were with me.
When I saw You in complete error because I made You more like myself…
…You were with me.
You didn’t leave me. You didn’t forsake me. You didn’t reject me and You didn’t patiently wait to love me or fellowship with me until I saw You more clearly…
…You loved me as intensively then as You do now.
What is this strange perception that keeps us from being with each other as much as You are with us?
…Is it because we don’t know You as much as we think we do?
Is this why You repeatedly say ‘be with Me’?
…For the more I am with You, the more I see You as you really are.
And that is ‘with everyone else as much as You are with me’…
…no matter how our views of You may differ from one another.
But how can I be with another who does not see You the same way I do right now? If they see You ‘not yet here’ and I see You ‘here’ then how can there be any fellowship in that?
…Oh, I see! Father, flesh out Your words in us…to ‘love one another’ as You are already loving us!