It’s Up to Him
I am here in New Mexico and that is enough. The rest remains in the hands of the One who generates real emotion and passion. I expect more from Him than what I know cannot come from me. I won’t limit my expectations in an effort to avoid disappointment. I shift my focus and cast off restraint when it comes to looking to God to do abundantly above and beyond all I could ask or think. It’s not up to me to make this “move” meaningful.
We moved on a desire and trust it to make room for a new revelation of Christ. Desire carves out space for Him to rush into. The act of desiring is the act of preparing and emptying out a new spot for Him to fill. Through desire I see my greater need. Desire seems to arise out of a need with the sole purpose of being able to receive Him as the true supply. A new desire becomes the next new place in me that He intends to flood.
A desire seems to call Him into my awareness. To recognize a desire and to see its fulfillment is to see a new manifestation of my union with Christ. Every true desire of my heart is Christ longing to be Himself in me. To sit with the desire (allowing it to blossom) is to make room for His expression in me, as me.
To take hold of the new means I must let go of the familiar. For every perceived loss there is an equal or greater gain. Fruit is born out of death; God makes a statement by taking loss and turning it to gain. He reveals Himself in the earth of my life through a seedling of desire and His image is reflected in the fruit that is born. He is my surrender…all the way to the point of true reflection. He supplies the energy and drive. I remain still in the midst of His motion.
Humility is taking Christ as identity and receiving all of heaven thereby. Desire is born of God; I know I cannot transform myself. At best, I can rearrange life and pretend its real change when it is not. I can alter external environment but only Christ can alter spiritual scenery. He opens my eyes to see the green and the lush as it springs forth.
Flowers are growing and lining the pathways of my life. I am like a cracked pot who drips water; I feel flawed – but I will see that every drop of water is creating a bright spot in the earth around me. Bearing fruit is not my strain or struggle. It is a natural occurrence for one who abides in the Vine. I see the fruit that is already born. The already ripened fruit is being shaken off and the “greater harvest” is up to Him…
Umbrella
A million negative thoughts and feelings can come to beat me down but as I “go silent” they pass on by. I don’t have to go where thoughts want to lead me and I don’t have to feel what they want me to feel. Dismissing thoughts is like standing under a see-through umbrella; I see the negative thoughts raining down like bird droppings; they hit and splatter, but they’re not actually landing on me. I may still flinch when I see one coming, but as long as I stay under the umbrella I’m safe and unsullied.
If I abandon the umbrella and connect with a negative thought then I run the risk of becoming obsessed by it. Thoughts need my focus in order to disturb my peace or drive me toward negative reactions. I’ll end up saying what I shouldn’t say and doing what I shouldn’t do – all because I put a single thought under a microscope and magnified it until it was all I could see. To detach from negative thoughts is to go back under the umbrella. I may always see them and hear them splatter, but I don’t have to be adversely affected by them. In this way I am in the world but not of it.
His Winnowing Fork
I baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire: whose winnowing fork [fan] is in his hand, and he will thoroughly purge his floor, and gather his wheat into the garner; but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire. Matthew 3:11-12 (KJV)
FAN: A two-fold instrument used for winnowing grain. One fan is like a fork used to throw the grain to the wind so the chaff may be blown away: the other fan is used to produce wind when the air is too calm (so the fork can be used again).
It seems like a strange verse to speak into my life and it hardly seems comforting; yet I find it very comforting for it reminds me that He is in control. His winnowing fork is in His hand. Like grain, my life is tossed into the wind so the chaff can be blown from the wheat. And when the air is too calm, His fan stirs the wind so He can throw the grain once again. He is thoroughly purging His threshing floor and making the ground useful – smoothing it off and beating it down. I am the wheat He’s gathering into His barn; a pure and abundant harvest. This verse speaks of the chaos but reminds me that He’s good, He knows what He’s doing, I’m in His process, and all is well. I will come out clean. He is removing the chaff in me, making a pure and holy habitation. I trust Him to do this work. I cannot control happenstance, strengthen weakness, or open my eyes; only God can baptize me with the Holy Ghost and fire. I consciously step aside – once again – to watch Him do what only He can do. I am loved, I can rest.