Asking for Trust
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)
If the kingdom of God is within me then His righteousness is also found in me. I look inwardly and find the mystery divine – Christ in me, as me – and then I trust Him for the rightness of thought, purpose, and action in everything that follows. To trust Him is to proclaim no ability but His. Not too long ago, I thought to ask for wisdom (it served Solomon well) but instead my heart cried out for greater trust. With greater trust came a greater awareness of union. To trust God with increasing intensity is to dismiss the notion of separation altogether. If I trust God, then “I” am not a threat on any level. The “me” that I thought was my own roadblock is taken down by trust. This higher trust is destroying the illusion of a defective (yet somehow responsible) Susan.
Thoughts of independence and self-reliance (even those hidden in misused words like ‘responsibility’) diminish trust. After all, if change depends on me then I have every reason to doubt. In truth, I cannot do anything until I’m abandoned to the truth that God is in full, total, and complete control. Unlimited trust becomes synonymous with union awareness. There is no separate “me” to depend on, trust in, or to expect something from; there’s no “me” to mess it up or get it right. I didn’t know it but when I pressed into the issues of trust I touched a life that was more real than ever before. Trust is the most authentic evidence of relationship. It is the fruit of union – the manifestation of His Person and Kingdom within. Each trusting step removes a little more old self-clutter from my view.
As I trust, my own opinions fall away. The release of mindsets can be painful but it always brings me a step closer to freedom. Trusting God as the all in all (trusting His authorship in all things) erases the old perceptions. The temporal is fading, but through union I am at home in His permanence. I am led to that which never changes within me – that which is already perfect, finished, and spotless. My requests meld in conformity to His will and they bring me to full agreement with all that He is in me.
Fear of the illusory self is gone when I trust God as my action. Introspection and analytic thinking fade. Hurt, anger, offense, insult, betrayal, loss, insecurity, and a myriad of other feelings are merely fear in disguise. The enemy distracts me with an offense to keep me from seeing the lack of trust therein. I lose the fear that forms the offense when I keep all things in God and accept all things as coming from His hand. Trust has become a bridge and it is closing the gap in my understanding. Truly, there is nothing to do, only something to see…and even that depends on Him. He who began the good work is faithful to complete it…
Balance
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them— obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:5-6 (TMB)
When I start thinking it’s up to me to make something happen I get obsessed with measuring my own moral muscle. I am now repeatedly instructed to trust His action within me. Without a doubt, obsession with self in these matters has proven to be a dead end. I am learning to rest by letting go of the fixation of trying to figure out what’s going on and the compulsion to try to keep things in “balance.” Christ is balancing the scales of my life as I watch without judgment. There is an ease of movement found within grace and it is thereby that I am led into the wide open spaces of free living. I wait and expect his movement in me to be fully recognizable. I see Him even as He moves through others. Am I frustrated? Yes. Do I feel destroyed? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. But do I trust Him? YES! Yes, I do.
The Irresistible “Woo”
“Mountains crumble in the presence of those who know how to wait, watch, and then boldly walk through the passage that appears before them.” –Guy Finley
Mike and I don’t fully understand this place we’ve entered; but somehow, in spite of the darkness (or maybe because of it), we are comprehending what aids our trust and are letting go of that which opposes it. God got smaller in our eyes each time our attention shifted to “our part” in procuring change. Real change occurs – and when it comes it’s not optional; it is God who makes the demand for change, engineers the circumstances for change, and supplies the passion to make the change.
We can’t change our heart and the heart is where all true change occurs. We can feel desperate, but we can’t make our desperation real anymore than we can manufacture our own repentance. God is the author and finisher of our faith. We speak, pray, cry aloud, and groan too deeply for utterance but it is always in response to His groaning within us. His presence is irresistible; His beckoning is deafening; His urging irrefutable. He aches and we can’t help but ache in return.
He brought us to this place and insists we receive only what is good and right for us. The circumstances seem bitter but we know they bring better things to come. It tarries, and we wait. The seedling has the right to grow even when we barely see any change in its stature. Hope never fades and love never fails!
Mike and I keep anticipating certain outcomes and time frames. Through disappointment we reach for the irresistible woo of God to trust that an opening will appear in this seemingly solid wall. Yes, we’re sure He’s not asking us to take a pick axe and force an opening! He’s asking us to wait; to watch and see as His providence turns a partition into a passageway. He is getting bigger in our eyes every time we resist the urge to eradicate our own problems.
We stay willing – instead of willful. We wait (even when it makes no sense) and as we wait God is mounting trust (like a steed) and riding triumphantly — establishing our hearts in the fact that He is too big to need anything from us at all. We are the object of His affection. He is silencing the fear of loss by becoming the only thing that matters and that which can never be lost or taken from us. To God be the glory!