It’s Up to Him
I am here in New Mexico and that is enough. The rest remains in the hands of the One who generates real emotion and passion. I expect more from Him than what I know cannot come from me. I won’t limit my expectations in an effort to avoid disappointment. I shift my focus and cast off restraint when it comes to looking to God to do abundantly above and beyond all I could ask or think. It’s not up to me to make this “move” meaningful.
We moved on a desire and trust it to make room for a new revelation of Christ. Desire carves out space for Him to rush into. The act of desiring is the act of preparing and emptying out a new spot for Him to fill. Through desire I see my greater need. Desire seems to arise out of a need with the sole purpose of being able to receive Him as the true supply. A new desire becomes the next new place in me that He intends to flood.
A desire seems to call Him into my awareness. To recognize a desire and to see its fulfillment is to see a new manifestation of my union with Christ. Every true desire of my heart is Christ longing to be Himself in me. To sit with the desire (allowing it to blossom) is to make room for His expression in me, as me.
To take hold of the new means I must let go of the familiar. For every perceived loss there is an equal or greater gain. Fruit is born out of death; God makes a statement by taking loss and turning it to gain. He reveals Himself in the earth of my life through a seedling of desire and His image is reflected in the fruit that is born. He is my surrender…all the way to the point of true reflection. He supplies the energy and drive. I remain still in the midst of His motion.
Humility is taking Christ as identity and receiving all of heaven thereby. Desire is born of God; I know I cannot transform myself. At best, I can rearrange life and pretend its real change when it is not. I can alter external environment but only Christ can alter spiritual scenery. He opens my eyes to see the green and the lush as it springs forth.
Flowers are growing and lining the pathways of my life. I am like a cracked pot who drips water; I feel flawed – but I will see that every drop of water is creating a bright spot in the earth around me. Bearing fruit is not my strain or struggle. It is a natural occurrence for one who abides in the Vine. I see the fruit that is already born. The already ripened fruit is being shaken off and the “greater harvest” is up to Him…
Waiting on Supplies
Timing is everything…and often questioned. “What are you going to do” is usually linked to “when are you going to do it”. Waiting on the Lord can seem vague to onlookers. Now that “where” is clear (it seems we’re moving to New Mexico) the next concern is… when?! Well, we’re not sure! How frustrating for those who simply want to know what’s up! Why don’t we know? When will we know? What are we waiting on? We are waiting on the Lord – but that sounds undefined to most people. What are we waiting for? What’s the Lord going to do that will turn the red light to green?
Consider an analogy of military troops who are holed up or hunkered down behind a bunker. They’re still at war but they’re not advancing the front line. They’re not actively engaged in the battle – in fact, they are laying low on purpose. What are they waiting for? Why aren’t they marching on? If you were to radio in to find out why they are not moving forward you’d most likely learn that they are waiting on supplies. They’ve run out of ammunition and are waiting for more artillery.
Waiting on the Lord is not that different. Mike and I are waiting for supplies. Supply comes in many forms. We are waiting for funding (escrow to close, etc) but the supplies we need may also be less tangible. We may be waiting for courage, compassion, humility, or confidence. We may be waiting for faith, grace, insight, or a paradigm shift in perception. We may be waiting for a change of heart or clarity of mind. Regardless, we are waiting on the Lord – we are waiting for “supplies” and when they arrive we can take up the arms and move on.
Lord, you are the support of all who are crushed, the lifter of all who are bent down. The eyes of all men are waiting for you; and you give them supply right on time. By the opening of your hand, every living thing has its desire in full measure. Psalms 145:14-16
It Seems Like…
Well, it seems our house has finally sold. No matter how long it remained on the market or how many reductions we made to the asking price, in light of this economy it is still a miracle that it sold! What now? People ask and we instinctively feel compelled to produce an answer. At various junctures of this journey we’ve felt vague, even evasive. Truthfully, our intent has merely been to let go of the notion that we “know” what tomorrow holds and to acknowledge the Lord’s revealing of each next step. Even when it felt “last minute” we wanted to nestle into His reasons and His outcomes.
The pressure to “know the future” comes from every angle – within and without. Friends and family naturally ask what we’ll do after this or that occurs. If we answer questions with uncertainty some eyebrows raise – to seemingly intimate that we are either misguided or lack direction in life altogether. Has knowing the future somehow become a gauge of spiritual discernment? The suggestion that we should know where we’re going and what we’ll be doing seems to be the societal norm – but we are not omniscient. We are not “like God,” and letting go of the “need to know” that fosters the feeling of control is liberating, albeit frightening.
Seeing our ingrained need for control has been revelatory. Assuming we knew what tomorrow would hold was like a security blanket. Working the traditional job, owning a home, two cars, and maintaining the pace of normal life kept the illusion well-fixed. When Mike and I were compelled to leave it all behind we had no idea what the journey would look like. We thought the courage to follow our dream would produce a living similar to the one we were accustomed to. Instead, pretentious boasting about the future and conclusions about God’s objectives were systematically exposed in us.
The past year was opposite our expectations. Instead of allowing external events to nurture self-sufficiency, God authored external events to trigger internal events that would demolish self-sufficiency. The distress we encountered was humbling, but He kept us close so that we were never too exhausted or too wearied by fear. We trusted God (if by a thread) in spite of circumstance. Even though on the outside it often looked like things were falling apart on us, on the inside, new understanding was taking shape. Not a day has gone by without His unfolding grace. There’s always more than meets the eye. The things we thought we wanted would have had temporary results; but the things we could not yet see or even think to hope for were the things that last forever.
We still don’t know what tomorrow holds. Ask us today what we will be doing tomorrow we will say that it seems like we will be moving to New Mexico for a season. Mom and Dad owned a “little piece of heaven” in the Land of Enchantment before their passing and it may be a good place to nest for awhile. It seems right to us…but who knows, tomorrow a new plan could unfold before us. We will do what we know to do today, and remain open to the ever blowing winds of change. Living life in this manner feels vulnerable, defenseless. The flesh stresses but the spirit rejoices at the hope of even greater abandonment in Him.
Come now, you who say, today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a city and spend a year there and carry on our business and make money. Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air]. You ought instead to say, If the Lord is willing, we shall live and we shall do this or that [thing]. But as it is, you boast [falsely] in your presumption and your self-conceit. All such boasting is evil.
James 4:13-16 AMP